Message from Coach Louise
My heart is filled with compassion for Boston and for Oklahoma. As I know first hand grief takes time to process. Grief is not a rush job, toss it under the rug, it is connecting with your soul. Like a test, you process and re-examine everything in your life.
The first year with all the memories of each month is the headrest, this is only natural, because your pain is your love, your tears, are your love. I encourage you to be creative every month, honoring your loved one through simple things like putting their shirt on a chair at the table, write your loved one a letter, hang wind chimes outside and ask your loved one to ring when they are near. Light a candle, planet a tree or rose in your love ones honor. You see there is many ways to connect and honor. FOR me personally I felt the best thing I could do for my son was to honor him by serving the planet and humanity with the his powerful lessons. This is why I started my coaching certification program.
If you are allowed the time to feel, then true healing takes place, and it can be hard to believe in the raw stages of grief but in time, you can actually see many gifts from your loved one’s departure. Certainly this is not what you would choose, but you begin to understand. Taking time is a good thing, as then you discover more opportunities, like a second chance to live life in a more meaningful way.
Many people myself included became teachers, coaches, authors, speakers, or start non profits, or dedicated their life to important causes.
When we feel our pain we heal, and to keep that healing growing in a positive direction is to serve others in healing.
Yes, it takes time, time well spent.
“Did you know that the word ‘compassion” comes from Latin roots of “to sympathize” combined with “to suffer” and means “sympathetic concern for the suffering of another together with the inclination to give aid or support to another or to show mercy”.
As the Dalai Lama was fond of saying, “If you want others to be happy, practice compassion. If you want to be happy, practice compassion.”
So what does compassion have to do with being happy? Everything!
“When you see your life through the lens of compassion, your thoughts, beliefs, words and actions alter dramatically. Instead of immediately judging others, you will find yourself looking past the their behavior and viewing the person and situation through compassion.” Auriella
May we have compassion for ourselves as well.
Keeping a Journal is very healing. It is a way for us to process all our feelings. I am going to expose myself here through sharing this page below . It is taken from my journal which I wrote in my mourning year.
Jesus said you should be childlike. Well, I’d like to expand on that. I have grandchildren and if you watch a child, they scream when they are hurt; they cry when they are sad; they yell when they are mad. You can watch them explore for hours to figure out how things work. There is the endless questions asking why? why? why? Because they are constantly seeking answers. They say what they mean, which usually makes me smile because of their innocence. They tell the truth, sometimes more than I want to know. And, yes, they are what we think we should all be. Joyful. The beauty
for me in exploring my grandchildren and being childlike right along with them is that it’s okay for me to scream, yell, cry, be mad and ask why? why? why? I don’t have to be joyful every moment every day. Children live in the past, in the present and in the future, all in the same moment. That is being here now, what I call being real. Quantum physics, the hologram, all show the totality of all that we are and who we are. We carry the Past. We live in the Now. We dream of the Future. It is a good thing. They are all Now. I’m suddenly feeling defensive about this. Grief has made me re-look at this popular idea of living in the Now. If I were to give up my memories of my son and only live in the moment, this would be painful for me. If I didn’t feel that I would see him in the future, this would be devastating to me. There is a healthy now and there is an unhealthy now, just like everything in life. If I’m dwelling on the negative – past present or future—it’s obviously unhealthy. But if I’m having a child moment of being sad or mad then it is Ok I am being real.
I wrote my son three letters. The first one I wrote everything I was sorry for. The second letter I wrote all the things I was thankful for in knowing him, all the wonderful things about him. The third letter I wrote all the many things I learned from knowing him. Then I wrapped all three letters up like a beautiful present. Bow and all.
On his birthday, I take my present and place it on the kitchen table. I light a candle sing him a song, and say Happy Birthday. To ignore our loved ones on holidays is impossible, they are in our hearts, mind and soul. Ignoring makes us sad, or in a bad mood. Finding ways to honor our loved ones and allowing their spirt to be part of the occasion, makes a difference.
With love and compassion, I send you my love, Coach Louise Rouse
When you are ready to move forward, and help others, join www.planetarycoach.com Many are in fear about the future, or suffering loss from jobs, homes, and relationships. Take your pain and turn it around to serving others. Become a Planetary Coach
Just longing to have someone to help?
Do you have unfinished business?
In my walk with grief I realized I was tormented by all the things I didn’t get a chance to say or do. I had unresolved feelings and emotions. I had unfinished business.
How do you resolve unfinished business?
For me, resolution came by journaling my feelings. I had lots of feelings – regret and guilt were the major players. By journaling I was able to release the regret and what if’s.
I’d like to encourage you to journal about your unfinished business. To uncover unfinished business ask yourself these questions:
Do I need forgiveness from my loved one?
Do I need to forgive my loved one?
Do I have unrealized hopes and dreams that involve my loved one?
Do I have expectations that were not met?
Was there something I needed to say and missed the opportunity?
Do I need to apologize for something I did?
Unresolved issues can be stumbling blocks on our grief journey. My hope is that you will identify unfinished business and release it through your writings or spoken words.
In my own grief recovery, I wanted to move forward but I had one foot on the brakes. Journaling helped me to clear unfinished business, lessen my pain and helped me to move forward. email email@example.com Coach Louise founder of Planetary Coaching Academy